There are good drugs like those prescribed by the doctor and there are bad ones, the illegal ones or if you use the good ones in a way they were not meant for. Either way...Drugs change your brain...thats what they do. (ex. pain killers block your brain from feeling pain, they dont actually make the pain go away). People are born with different brain chemical makeup, this is why some cant pay attention, some are depressed or hyper, some are more likely to be addicted to certain feelings, and different people react differently to situations. I make this point because YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW DRUGS ARE GOING TO EFFECT YOU, but you are guarenteed that they will change you...because that's what drugs do...they change your brain! the outcome is a gamble you must consider very seriously. Sometimes your decisions can do unreversable damage.
Tyler is the youngest of 3 boys. All 3 had their individual problems and successes with the teen years. I can honestly say there is not much that I didnt experience with one or the other, so anyone with questions or problems should feel free to contact me...because "I've been there!" Tyler started smoking marijuana probably around the age of 12. People often think it to be a harmless drug, I now know differently. Beyond the normal things you can expect with drug use (lieing, stealing, legal problems, school problems) there are underlying factors you might not see. Marijuana actually settled Tyler down and helped him "control" his thoughts, so his experimenting with drugs lead him into a form of "self medicating" his A.D.D. brain. He liked the way it altered him. It also served another purpose in his life....if he was disappointed, angry, or upset..he could forget about it by getting high. Soon drugs were not a "social event" (something you do with your friends) but became an everyday event. **note**when this happens you are loosing control of your life and drugs are taking over. Basically you need them to function. Here the underlying factors 1. the contant use of the drug (in this case a depressant) over time alters permanently your brain chemicals and your brain starts to recognize the altered state as Normal. Then if you are not on the drugs...You don't feel normal! (addiction) 2. By using drugs to escape dealing with something, your are actually missing a valuable "life experience". Part of maturing and learning how to cope with life is in figuring out what to do with feelings. What works and doesnt in a situation. To survive in life, you've got to figure out how to deal with problems, because they never go away. Drugs seem to make them disapear, but the situation is still there and the drugs will only actually make any situation worse in the long run. I have a quote on the refrigerator "Yes and No are the 2 most important words in your life". Every decision you make is going to impact your life in one way or another.
GO TO THE LINK TYLERS BATTLE to find out what I felt lead up to Tylers suicide attempt. This is my theory, since I will never really know until Tyler can tell me. If you are a kid experiencing problems or even something you just dont know how to deal with it....TALK TO SOMEBODY !! You can not be helped unless someone knows what's going on.
Spring 2008
I am going to set up a new page later, but please for now, pass on to your children if they know friends (and I guarentee they do!!)that are hooked on pills (painkillers seem to be the current addiction)go to Medhelp.org and check out the FORUMS on drug/alcohol abuse. Search words "thomas recipe" and "suboxone" for some ways to kick the habit!! Lets save some lives this year and give some HOPE. Theres lots of great other advice there for all types of medicals problems too. It's a good support group also for any addiction you need help with.
Summer 2007
"TAKE THE KEYS - SAVE A LIFE". Amanda Granlund was drunk and didnt know where she was when she crashed into the bridge on merritt rd. Her car flipped over into the creek and caught on fire! Her live ended at 18!Parents...Your kids dont respond to "dont drink and drive" and I can nearly guarentee that if you have a child that drives, sooner or later, they will drive drunk. TALK to them about making plans BEFORE they go out!! about what to do if they think they or a friend has had too much. They never plan to get that drunk, but if they know they'll be doing alot of drinking, dont bother taking their car! Let them know they can call you and you will not lecture them. (you can talk to them at a later time about the social, sexual and legal consequences that happen by over drinking). Tell them to call a cab and you'll pay for it when they arrive home. A cab ride anywhere is cheaper than a $200 ticket or a DWI ($500-$1000 bond, $1000 - $10,000 for a lawyer, and now you have to pay $1000 a yr for 3 yrs just to keep your license)and there is no price for their death or the death or another. Unfortunately I dont think I know of many of the boys friends that havent already wrecked their cars at least once. I have lost count of the number of cars that Kyle has totaled and should have died several times. Now he's finally 21 and doesnt have a driver licence for 2 yrs. It's just not worth it. The main point is that SOMEONE knew kyle was drunk before he totaled those cars and someone knew Amanda was leaving in that condition, every kid that doesnt make it home safe... someone saw them drive away and didnt tell them not to, take their keys, call their parents or offer them a ride! You wouldnt give your bestfriend a loaded gun to play with, would you? then dont let them drive if you know they are really drunk. If you cant get their keys, let the air out of their tires. They may get mad at you, but will later realize you did it because you loved them and didnt want to take a chance of losing them. Have "mom" or "home" on your childs cell phone and tell them that their friends can take the phone and call you if they think there is trouble. If it planned ahead of time it wont be a surprise to them or you if it happens. You may not approve of what they're doing, but I know you would rather get that call than the call that "your child is dead". WARN them that mixing pills (prescription or other)with alcohol can catch them off guard and only a few beers will affect them as if they had drank 4-5 times that much. Kyles friend Wes (age21) died from taking too much xanax and other stuff, His friend Jeremy (age 20)died when he passed out drunk and couldnt get out of his house that caught on fire, and now amanda (only18) and there are so many more. Children... not even making it to their 21st birthday. It only takes one person to be strong enough to say "hey thats not a good idea" or lets do something else! but if everyone says "yeah" them why would they not do it. Love your friends enough to care about bad decisions they may make.
If tyler could write.. I know this is what he would want to say to his friend.
My sweet sweet Amanda,
The angels have come and taken you away.
If I could talk, I'd have so much to say.
In Elementary school, you were my friend.
We're now 19 and friends to the end.
You were sunshine in my life when I was having dark days.
When I came out of rehab, my life was in a haze.
You were there to talk to and get my feet on the ground.
And then after my suicide attempt, I knew what a TRUE friend I'd found.
You visited me in Austin, when I was unable to move.
Your smile would light my room as you'd try to get me in the groove.
Thank you also for coming to my house day after day after day.
Taking time from your life just to stop and say Hey Thank you for loving me and keeping me near.
My name on your senior ring, made your friendship so clear
You said you'd never forget Me, Well I'll never forget you!
Some people never know of having a friendship so true.
I wish I could tell you right to your face,
How awesome you are for making my world a better place.
When I see you again, it will be in Heaven above.
It is there where all things are new, that my arms will finally be able to give you a big Hug!
But until that day....just know how much you are truly, truly LOVED !!!!!!!
Summer 2005
This is for Kyle's and Tyler's friends who lost their good friend Jeremy Hixson. He died when his house caught on fire and he was unable to get out. He was also part of my many "other children" who hang out at our house and I too, will miss him greatly.
JEREMY DON
My friend is gone, it seems so unreal.
I don't understand Lord, What's the deal?
We should be hangin out and having fun.
There was only one way & that was to just to "Git R done
I can't believe that you're really gone.
You'll have to help me Lord, be able to move on.
A chapter of my life has come to an end.
It was filled with great memories of knowing my friend.
I was content with my life and what I did every day.
Are you telling me Lord, I need to go a new way?
Are you telling me now I don't know how long I will live?
And for each day I take, I should have something to give.
Are you telling me my life and body is important, so dont throw it away.
What if I died tomorrow? What would people say?
Why to get stronger is suffering a must?
Help me to realize you're always with me, on that I can trust!
Help me when I'm going to a concert, or races, or just goin fishin,
that Jeremy will be in my heart, and I'll take what life's dishin.
He's in Heaven now and does't even need a cold beer,
Cause I's so wonderful and fullfilling to have God near.
He's in a safe place now, with his dog Rusty by his side.
Flashing that charming grin that he never could hide.
We'll love you forever, Jeremy Don
and in our hearts, You'll always live on!
1.UPS AND DOWNS
Something I learnt about how the brain chemicals are programed helped me understand Tyler and some of the mood swings he would go through. The brain has normal thresholds of depression or anxiety that it recognizes and when we start to cross those, it signals itself to send more chemicals to restore the balance of well-being. In other words, when we become depressed, it recognizes this as "not normal" and will kick in to correct it. But if someone continues to alter their bodys normal state over time the brain starts to adjust. So if someone is always smoking marijuana (a depressant) or drinking alcohol (a depressant)their brain will get used to this depressed state and it is now the "new normal". This is where the problems begin, because now you feel more normal only when youre under the effects of the drugs. Highly addictive drugs bring on this process even faster, making it nearly impossible to go without the drugs for any length of time.
This is what is so important...our bodys go through this cycle of ups and downs over 30 day periods. So even when no drugs have been taken, we still reach a certain high or certain low before the brain sends the balancing chemicals it needs to put us back to "normal". It takes a LONG time for the brain to go back to recognizing your true "normal highs/lows" (your original thresholds before the brain adapted to the drug induced highs/lows). Therefore some time close to every 30 days, a recovering drug user will get really low, because "depressed" was normal and it has to reach "not normal" to release the needed chemicals. This is so important to know because if you are aware that something is going to happen, then you CAN PREPARE FOR IT. An example would be the "birthday chips" given away in A.A. to celebrate another month of sobriety. That anniversary date is actually when an addict feels the most low and when they are the weakest. By concentrating on the positive, that adrenalin rush helps gets them thru that little valley. I thought of all this more because just this last weekend, one of Tylers friends wrote on the prayer site that she was celebrating her 6 months of "no drugs/alcohol". The very next day she wrote that she had slipped that night and now she was starting all over with day 1. This broke my heart, but I understood because it was on Tylers 5 month anniversary that he attempted suicide. His body was cycling thru its lowest moment of weakness. So PARENTS, please understand that these monthly cycles can go on long, long after someone is no longer doing drugs, but especially the 1st yr. Know their recovery dates, plan special stuff, be more attentive, and be understanding vs judgemental when they're down/sad/angry/depressed. Remembering that their "down" is much, much lower than if we were down. IF YOU'RE SOMEONE TRYING TO NOT DO DRUGS/ALCOHOL ...be prepared for this. ***Realize that if you can just make it through, that it is a TEMPORARY feeling and the brain will soon kick in to send the needed chemicals to get you back up. Don't let one day erase what you worked the previous 29 for, be ready to fight it. Stay clean, exercise, eat healthy and pray for Gods strength and don't let any situation catch you off guard. The decisions you make in a split second could effect you for the rest of your life. Be aware of your body and moods and realize how your brain controls your actions. Make the kind of decisions that when you wake up the next day (if you do), you can say "that was a GOOD decision that I made yesterday"!!Thank you Lord for helping me through another day!
2. MOMENT OF REFLECTION...
June 2004
Last nite one of Tylers friends, Tonya, that he had met while he was at Sundown Ranch (a drug rehab/family intervention facility) came to visit him. She made the comment "boy tyler, this summer is sure alot better than last summer". It seems her mother had bravely picked her up on the last day from school and taken her directly to Sundown where she stayed for the 3 months of the summer. I began to think, what were we doing in June of last year? Tyler had been home from his 2 months in rehab since January but had not taken recovery so seriously and had relapsed and was spiraling downward very fast. (somehow he had forgotten the fact that if you stop using drugs, when you go back to them, you dont start over a "little at a time", your body picks up right where you left off and its even worse!)(this is also why people truely addicted to alcohol can't just drink a little or every once in awhile, or those that stop smoking cigarettes can't smoke just one "when they're out with friends") Anyway, this time last year I was worried each day what the next would bring, afraid everyday for tylers life, felt totally out of control and couldn't look to the future because I was doing all I could do to just get through another day. On July 7, we sent him back to Sundown Ranch where he stayed for the next 3 months. We drove to Canton every weekend (sat and sun) to visit him and attend family/group rehab sessions. I thought to myself "that was a yr ago? it seems like a lifetime ago!" But even with all that we've been through, I would agree that this summer is better than last summer. I feel more in control because I have realized there is so much I can't control that only God can! I feel Tylers life and ours will have more meaning. But most of all we're not just surviving, we're looking forward to the future. My calendar for June 22 said...
I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, but in what direction we are moving.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
I feel we ARE moving in a positive direction in all aspects of our life and that is exciting. So I challenge all to reflect in the same way. Is your life better or worse than it was a year ago? If you're not where you want to be, what are you doing to get yourself MOVING in that direction? Problems don't "just resolve" or go away. Relationships don't suddenly mend without some type of change. Children aren't "just being kids" they are facing life and death realities everyday and they might not just "grow out of their problems" without some kind of help. Are we doing all we can do to make our life and the life of those we love the best that it can be??
If not...START MOVING!!!!
